‘Don’t take it personally. It’s just something that you have to work on.’
How many times have you heard that?
Well, I’ve had my shares and still
take it personally. Because, you know what?!, your work is personal, too! Efforts,
results, time, attention, skills, all of this is you and yours. You put you
into everything.
Is there a time to provide feedback?
Yes, by all means, yes. There’s a
time and a place.
The where
Feedback should be given in a meeting,
whether online or face-to-face (and not in front of the entire team, if it’s
negative). This provides space for both parties to explain their points of
view, but more importantly, this is how an actual exchange of thoughts
regarding the points of view can be made. If feedback is seen just a one-way
street (only from manager to employee) then this is not a healthy work
relationship.
Managers might be trapped into
thinking that with the job title they are bestowed absolute correctness, but
managers are humans too and thus subject to error. A discussion is the perfect
space to get things cleared up and expectations right in the open.
If you can help it, don’t provide
feedback by email. An employee should feel encouraged to ask questions and
usually an email is never a space to clarify things. People would get defensive
or hurt and they would not show acceptance of the other party’s point of view.
Better to gather all feedback and
talk about it during a meeting. This shows care and respect.
Of course, time is a scarce
resource so if you are a manager with a large team is hard to set feedback
meetings with each member of the team, but you can make sure that this is a
constant point on your agenda for the 1x1 monthly meeting.
Feedback by email should be
provided only if a person can make sure to put it in simple and clear terms. Otherwise,
it could turn into an exchange of emails (or WhatsApp emails) that only makes the parties lose
time, energy, and leaves them frustrated.
The time
If it’s positive feedback,
then let nothing stop you (timewise or place-wise)! There is no limit for this
as we all love to hear positive feedback, anytime. Unfortunately, this does not
happen so often. Have you noticed how we insist on noticing or highlighting the
bad instead of the good?!
Sure, human nature has an
explanation for it. It’s not the good that keeps us safe from danger. But maybe
we should change this. Millions of years ago, our brains started focusing on
the negative because that was all that we needed in order to survive. But not
anymore. Even though the stress endured by some employees can be compared with
being chased by wild animals while holding a frail stick.
Have you noticed that in ‘The
where’ I only referred to negative feedback?! I haven’t. Until I started
writing about the positive here. See, this is what our brains do. Take a moment
to ponder upon that, please.
If you are giving negative
feedback – by meeting or by email – please do not provide it on a Friday
afternoon! Coming back to the beginning of this article, people take feedback
personally. Do you want to ruin their weekends, or do you want a long-term
relationship based on trust and support? Even if an employee is an aikido
disciple and has read The Art of Peace, they would still be troubled by the
feedback.
We talk a lot about caring for employees with mindfulness courses, we talk about equality and diversion and inclusion, but a lot is ignored. A mindfulness course won’t save an employee from burnout or demotivation as long as an organization does not call out on unacceptable behaviors.
Respecting the time for rest (whether the weekends or
the rest of the time after the workday is done) – which is something that the
French have already embraced with the legal right to switch off from work and
employees no longer receive emails or phone calls after the typical work hours –
is an important thing. But it’s not enough to make sure people do not stay
overtime, other things should also be considered. One of them is showing care and
interest on how one provides feedback. Sure, it’s not easy; doing the good
thing never is. But if you want to foster a supportive environment and if you
care for the mental wellbeing of your team, consider how you provide feedback
and support that manner not only if you are a manager who provides feedback to
the employees, but also if you are an executant and you give feedback to your
peers.
Only talking about this idea of
healthy organizations won’t change a thing. We must really consider the do’s
and don’ts and take act.
