Do You Respond with ‘I don’t know’?

‘I don’t know’. It’s simple to say, right?! But still, people avoid saying it.

Sometimes it so happens that a simple and straightforward reply does not reach one when asking a question. And this may turn into a traumatic event; for those impatient, at least. One wishes a quick and simple reply, but the conversational partner starts rambling on.

I have often asked myself the reason why the interlocutor needed to give so many explanations, and I reckon that perhaps I had not provided the conversational partner with information about my expectations or my time availability.

Now, let me be clear - when it comes to information, the more the better. So that, little by little, one gets closer to the reason why one is needed and how one can give support. But when the conversational partner does not understand that one only needs a simple answer, then the hell breaks loose.

Here’s an example:

‘Should we go tomorrow at a restaurant?’

‘I think tomorrow’s going to rain and also the wind will blow and, usually, it is in the morning when I like to water my plants because later in the day it will be too hot, and they will surely die. And I’m not sure, but I guess I was supposed to see Ana, but maybe I can postpone… .’

 

How To Turn Things Around in Your Favor

There, you asked somebody a question and are waiting for the answer. But it comes accompanied by so many words that you cannot distinguish the main message to be understood.

Most of us do not realize that we lose ourselves in details, and that we actually confuse rather than clarify the things. Others feel ashamed to admit that they do not know the answer (did you also meet teachers/ managers/ mentors that taught you to never reply with ‘I don’t know’?) and they will try to give you as many details as possible in order to cover the fact that they have no clue, leaving you to decide which piece of information from all given is what you needed to know in the first place.

I suggest the following solutions:

1. Rephrase

It may happen that the conversational partner did not pay attention to your question, or he/ she did not hear it well and is ashamed to admit it. Rephrasing is one of the most elegant (maybe the most elegant) ways to make sure that both conversational partners’ dignities remain intact.

 2.  Soothe 

To admit that we do not know is to recognize that we are vulnerable, and maybe in others’ opinion even unprofessional. This is why it is so hard to admit that we do not know. 

Use this occasion (during a pause) to soothe the conversational partner and to explain to her/ him that it’s not the end of the world to not have a piece of information. If that person is part of a team, maybe it will be a great moment to stress upon what a team can do (musketeer-style – one for all and all for one).

 

I think owning the ‘I don’t know’ reflects upon one as a responsible and problem-solving oriented person; of course, as long as the person in question takes action to find the information and maybe put to good use the magic that is to have a team and be supported by it.

What about you, do you dare to answer with ‘I don’t know’?