When and how to provide feedback

‘Don’t take it personally. It’s just something that you have to work on.’

How many times have you heard that?

Well, I’ve had my shares and still take it personally. Because, you know what?!, your work is personal, too! Efforts, results, time, attention, skills, all of this is you and yours. You put you into everything.

 

Is there a time to provide feedback?

Yes, by all means, yes. There’s a time and a place.

 

The where

Feedback should be given in a meeting, whether online or face-to-face (and not in front of the entire team, if it’s negative). This provides space for both parties to explain their points of view, but more importantly, this is how an actual exchange of thoughts regarding the points of view can be made. If feedback is seen just a one-way street (only from manager to employee) then this is not a healthy work relationship.

Managers might be trapped into thinking that with the job title they are bestowed absolute correctness, but managers are humans too and thus subject to error. A discussion is the perfect space to get things cleared up and expectations right in the open.

If you can help it, don’t provide feedback by email. An employee should feel encouraged to ask questions and usually an email is never a space to clarify things. People would get defensive or hurt and they would not show acceptance of the other party’s point of view.

Better to gather all feedback and talk about it during a meeting. This shows care and respect.

Of course, time is a scarce resource so if you are a manager with a large team is hard to set feedback meetings with each member of the team, but you can make sure that this is a constant point on your agenda for the 1x1 monthly meeting.

Feedback by email should be provided only if a person can make sure to put it in simple and clear terms. Otherwise, it could turn into an exchange of emails (or WhatsApp emails) that only makes the parties lose time, energy, and leaves them frustrated.

 

 

The time

If it’s positive feedback, then let nothing stop you (timewise or place-wise)! There is no limit for this as we all love to hear positive feedback, anytime. Unfortunately, this does not happen so often. Have you noticed how we insist on noticing or highlighting the bad instead of the good?!

Sure, human nature has an explanation for it. It’s not the good that keeps us safe from danger. But maybe we should change this. Millions of years ago, our brains started focusing on the negative because that was all that we needed in order to survive. But not anymore. Even though the stress endured by some employees can be compared with being chased by wild animals while holding a frail stick.

Have you noticed that in ‘The where’ I only referred to negative feedback?! I haven’t. Until I started writing about the positive here. See, this is what our brains do. Take a moment to ponder upon that, please.

 

If you are giving negative feedback – by meeting or by email – please do not provide it on a Friday afternoon! Coming back to the beginning of this article, people take feedback personally. Do you want to ruin their weekends, or do you want a long-term relationship based on trust and support? Even if an employee is an aikido disciple and has read The Art of Peace, they would still be troubled by the feedback.

We talk a lot about caring for employees with mindfulness courses, we talk about equality and diversion and inclusion, but a lot is ignored. A mindfulness course won’t save an employee from burnout or demotivation as long as an organization does not call out on unacceptable behaviors. 

Respecting the time for rest (whether the weekends or the rest of the time after the workday is done) – which is something that the French have already embraced with the legal right to switch off from work and employees no longer receive emails or phone calls after the typical work hours – is an important thing. But it’s not enough to make sure people do not stay overtime, other things should also be considered. One of them is showing care and interest on how one provides feedback. Sure, it’s not easy; doing the good thing never is. But if you want to foster a supportive environment and if you care for the mental wellbeing of your team, consider how you provide feedback and support that manner not only if you are a manager who provides feedback to the employees, but also if you are an executant and you give feedback to your peers.

Only talking about this idea of healthy organizations won’t change a thing. We must really consider the do’s and don’ts and take act.